Dating apps have become the most popular way for people to meet nowadays, with multiple apps to choose from like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Meeting people through a screen gives a sense of anonymity and separation, all while trying to build a connection. How are these dating apps affecting young people’s view on relationships, and is this mentally healthy for them?
Rachel Frank, a 23-year-old from Okotoks, has been using dating apps on and off for around four years.
Frank says she never found any meaningful connections through the apps, but often returned to them, saying that these interactions felt artificial and meaningless.
Most of the time people are showcasing themselves for validation, rather than trying to build meaningful relationships.
“People use them to advertise the best parts of themselves and it’s easy to pretend to be someone else through text.”, says Frank.
For six weeks, Frank dated another girl unofficially, but eventually the girl cut off all communication without warning.
“This happens all the time with online dating, you don’t know their friends, you don’t know their family, this is a complete stranger,” Frank says. “Dating apps just don’t work for people like me, I’m looking for something long-term that can be meaningful.
Frank says the dating apps had little effect on how she viewed herself, but using the apps often left her feeling drained and tired as opposed to meeting someone organically. This took a toll on her mental health eventually, often causing her to leave the apps.
“There’s not an expectation of like ‘we are on a date, impress me’,” said Frank, on meeting someone for the first time without knowing each other online first, saying that between meeting online and organically, she prefers to meet someone organically, as this creates an openness between both parties.
Kevin Enkhbat, a student at SAIT, had only been using dating apps for a week before deleting them entirely. While he got a few matches, most of them ended up abandoning the conversation. He only found one connection through Tinder and says that they are currently just friends, and often play online games together.
“Being online helps me not be as shy,” Enkhbat says.
When asked if the apps affected how he viewed himself, he says that the feeling of people abandoning the conversation often left him feeling rejected and disappointed.
Enkhbat said that since using dating apps, his expectations for relationships haven’t changed, but he admits it is harder to find a real connection through the apps. While he didn’t find his conversations with his matches to be artificial, he found that it was difficult to keep up with so many conversations and said that they felt repetitive even in such a short time of using the apps.
SAIT student, Troy Franks, agreed on the matter with Enkhbat, after only using dating apps for around a week, but says he still uses them from time to time.
“I got a couple of matches, and it was like three or four messages back and forth, and then the conversation is abandoned randomly,” Franks says. “It’s artificial. There’s no need to reply or need to talk, like how it would be in person.”
For Franks, his view on relationships hasn’t changed much since using the apps. He just finds it more difficult to make connections.
“When you meet someone through an app like Tinder, you have to organize a get together, you have to put more effort into it rather than just meeting them,” says Franks.
When asked if using the apps affected his mental health at all, he said he hadn’t really noticed a difference but that he also felt rejected when the conversations with his matches went nowhere.
Having all these people who are able to message you and sometimes they send really weird stuff. It can’t be good for people’s mental health. – Kennadi Hillebrand
Before using dating apps, Kenadi Hillebrand had been in a six-year relationship, and after they broke up, she decided to try them out.
Hillebrand used them on and off for around six months, never finding anything steady or worth pursuing.
“When you meet people organically in real life, you don’t know any of their interests, or hobbies, or anything like that. So, when you first meet, you’re talking more about yourself and getting to know the other person. Whereas if you’re meeting them from a dating app, you already know all the stuff they enjoy so you kind of steer the conversation towards the hobbies and stuff that you know about them. It just feels a little fake,” Hillebrand said when asked if she preferred to meet people online versus organically.
Hillebrand said the instant validation she got from strangers made her feel great, but that it was really overwhelming and draining.
“Having all these people who are able to message you — and sometimes they send really weird stuff — it can’t be good for people’s mental health.”
Hillebrand said that her views on relationships are not suited for dating apps, stating that most people on these apps are not looking for long-term commitment like she is.
Since being on dating apps, Hillebrand’s standards for men have gone up.
“I would definitely say I’m a little bit more picky now. Especially because there are so many options on dating apps, you can choose to be picky in that situation.”
According to a 2016 psychology study in Denver, people who used Tinder reported lower self-esteem compared to those who did not use the app. In said study, Jessica Strubel, PhD, University of North Texas, who co-authored the study, says that people on Tinder begin to feel depersonalized and disposable, and often begin to question their own self-worth.
A different study from the Pew Research Center in 2020 found that around 57 per cent of dating app users had an overall positive experience, but also had many reports of users feeling frustrated with the lack of connection.
